The Real Reason You’re Overlooked and Undervalued

How You’re Silently Devaluing Yourself—and What a High-Value Woman Does Instead

Many women silently devalue themselves in everyday moments. Learn what high-value women do differently—and how to start embodying your worth from within.

Have you ever walked out of a room and replayed the entire conversation in your head?

Maybe you wondered if you overshared. Or if you laughed too loudly. Or held back your real opinion just to avoid being “too much.”

You’re not alone.This post is about all the subtle ways we diminish our worth in the eyes of others—and what a high-value woman does instead.

And trust me, it’s not about doing more. It’s about being more of yourself.

What Does It Mean to “Devalue” Yourself?

To devalue yourself means sending signals—often unconsciously—that say:

• “I’m not quite enough.”

• “Don’t worry, I won’t take up too much space.”

• “Please like me—I’ll make it easy for you.”

These patterns are deeply psychological. They often stem from childhood conditioning and limiting beliefs—learning to please, overgive, or stay quiet in order to feel safe.

For many women, that shows up as:

• Putting our needs aside to keep the peace in relationships

• Silencing feelings instead of expressing authentic needs

• Apologising without reason

• Downplaying successes to avoid making others uncomfortable

• Over-functioning at work while resenting it in silence

  
  

But here’s the cost: every time we overgive, hide our feelings, or abandon our boundaries, we chip away at our own self-value.

What Happens When You Downplay Your Value

Each time you soften your truth, over-explain a boundary, or accept crumbs instead of respect—you send a message:

“You don’t have to value me. I’m not valuing myself either.”

And people pick up on that. Because people don’t just listen to what you say. They listen to what your energy says. What your tone says. What your body says. What your boundaries say. Psychologist Kristin Neff, one of the leading researchers on self-compassion, reminds us that valuing ourselves doesn’t make us selfish—it makes us stronger and more emotionally resilient. In her book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, she shows how many of us struggle with worth because we’ve learned to be harsh critics of ourselves.

When your value depends on others’ approval, you’ll shape-shift to fit in. You’ll laugh at jokes that don’t land. You’ll water down your opinions. You’ll stay in rooms that keep you small.

And most painfully—you’ll never feel truly seen.

But here’s the good news: you can change this. And the shift starts inside.

What High-Value Women Do Differently

A high-value woman is not perfect, nor is she performing femininity to impress others. Instead, she moves with grounded self-value, balanced feminine energy, and clear communication in relationships.

She doesn’t hustle for validation or exhaust herself with over-functioning. She holds her worth internally.

In practice, that looks like:

• Speaking her truth without apology

• Receiving compliments without minimising

• Saying “no” without guilt

• Setting boundaries that feel clear and loving

• Expressing emotions without shame

• Communicating openly in relationships instead of withdrawing or pleasing

  
  

Here’s what that sounds like in real life:

Situation	Low-Value Response	High-Value Response
Receives a compliment	“Oh this old thing?”	“Thank you. That means a lot.”
Asked to do something she doesn't want to	“Sure, no problem.”	“Thanks for asking. I’ll need to pass this time.”
Doesn’t agree	Smiles and nods	“I have a slightly different take—want to hear it?”

These shifts aren't about arrogance or acting as-if your confident when you're not feeling it on the inside. They’re about energetic congruence. And when you embody that energy, people listen differently. Love differently. Respond differently.

Embodying Your Worth: 7 Daily High-Value Habits

Here are practical habits you can start today:

1. Pause Before Agreeing to Something. Take 3 seconds before every “yes.” Ask: Do I want this?

2. Speak Last, Listen Deeply. Stillness signals self-trust. You don’t need to rush to be valuable.

3. Check Your Posture and Energy. Soft belly. Tall spine. Open heart. That’s high-value embodiment.

4. Celebrate Yourself—Out Loud. Name what you’re proud of. Share it. Visibility is safe now.

5. Stop Explaining. Start Declaring.“That won’t work for me” is a full sentence.

6. Move Slowly. React Less. Choose More. Slowing down is your superpower. Respond from self—not stress.

7. Make Peace with Not Being Chosen. You don’t need everyone to like you. You need you to value and honour you.

   
   

These are the building blocks of energetic change. They help your nervous system unlearn the idea that you have to earn recognition, love and approval.

And they are exactly the kinds of habits we build together inside the HEAL program.

Want to dive deeper into these high-value shifts? Explore my book Relationship Transformation Starts in Your Mind for practical psychology, personal stories, and tools to reconnect to your value.

When You Start Valuing Yourself, Others Will Too

When you change your internal story, here’s what shifts:

• In Relationships

You stop chasing emotionally unavailable people. Your energy says, “I’m not available for confusion.” You attract partners who mirror your new energy: safe, clear, present.

• In Friendships

You stop bonding over chaos. You find women who celebrate your growth instead of competing with it.

• In Career

You stop overworking to earn your seat. You begin to speak up, take up space, and build from grounded confidence—not fear.

So gently ask yourself: Where in my life am I still tolerating something because I fear being rejected, misunderstood, or alone? And how would your relationships feel different if you chose self-value over self-abandonment?

If I fully knew my value today—how would I speak? How would I walk? How would I choose?

Let her lead. You Don’t Have to Do This Alone 💛

If this post spoke to something in your heart—let that be your sign.

Inside my program, we go deeper into:

• Rewiring overfunctioning inside relationships at the root

• Releasing limiting beliefs about love and worth

• Building confidence in feminine energy and communication in relationships

• Attracting healthy relationships

• Ending cycles of overgiving and over-functioning

  
  

You’ll be held, coached, and supported inside a sisterhood of women who are done shrinking their presence. Learn more and join us via the link at MayEveTraining.com

📚 Further Reading & Resources

If this post resonated with you and you’d like to go deeper into the themes of self-worth, boundaries, and authentic living, here are a few powerful books I recommend:

• Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself — by Kristin Neff, one of the world’s leading researchers on self-compassion, showing how kindness toward ourselves transforms the way we live and relate to others.

• The Gifts of Imperfection — by Brené Brown, exploring how letting go of people-pleasing and perfectionism allows us to embrace authenticity and wholehearted living.

• The Dance of Connection — by Harriet Lerner, offering practical wisdom on how to speak our truth with courage, clarity, and compassion in relationships.

Each of these voices reinforces the same truth we explored here: you don’t need to earn your worth—it already lives within you.

May Eve

About the Author

May Eve is a mental health professional, and author of the book "Relationship Transformation Starts in Your Mind". With over a decade of experience in conflict resolution, trauma healing, and transformational communication she guides women to heal past pain, reclaim their value, and create fulfilling relationships. Through her signature HEAL program and her writing, she helps women shift from over-functioning and self-doubt to confidence, clarity, and connection.